Lost Time Memory
by Kiri Kaitou Clover
Summary: His best friend's face blurred, what would memories have brought for Neku if he had them during the Reaper's Game? What happened if Neku had really killed Shiki on Day 2 if he had those memories? What might have happened between dying in front of Joshua and waking at the Scramble at the end of the 3rd week, his memories the first fee? Song fic. JoshNeku if you squint real hard.


Ever since HE died, everything had been just a blur for Neku, his only solitude being his music and the CAT murals.

_Years run by and I'm living with your shadow  
Feeling more every day that goes by  
I sit alone as I draw away thoughts in my mind_

His memories of the very last time the two of them met was vague. All he could remember was the two of them heading home from the murals during that summer evening.

_Fight the sun down a hilly road before us  
As we walked, blurry figures  
The rays give way stabbing holes of the heat in my eyes_

Neku could never remember his face, but he remembered the argument they had that day clearly

_"Why don't you butt out?"  
"Disappear and never come back!"  
Brushing off the hand that helped me_

_"I won't leave you"  
You were firmly yelling  
Grabbing at the hand that I held back _

_"You're annoying"  
Moving away to walk ahead and  
Never looking back as I leave you_

He frowned to himself as he recalled the hurtful words he said to the one who had forced his way into his world, the one that became his best friend. But truly…

_Was it the real you that I knew?_

By then, it had been too late. His best friend had committed suicide that very day. He didn't even realise that anything had been wrong till he had long gone.

Neku shut himself from the world. With only his music and CAT's art. He didn't get people, the only one whom he could understand was HIM.

_Lesson learned, I don't need to turn the page of  
My life goes on, so I'll rot away here  
A time machine turning back to the day would be nice_

It was two years later that something happened. The Reaper's Game. It had forced a Neku without his memories to open himself up to people again, knowing that if he wanted to live, he had to trust.

_Years fly by but I'm living, 'fraid of dying  
And drawing out hopes of "maybe someday"  
Though I know that I am never to see you again_

He knew that before the Reaper's Game, he would have wanted a way out of those empty everydays, if only to reach HIM again.

_Don't wonder why, wanna die, wanna die  
Grabbing my own hand, cursing it to hell as I sat there_

But in that game, without his memories, he found himself wanting to live, if only to increase his friends' chances of survival.

_Not a thing I can do might as well  
Live it up while I'm still alive and I'm breathing_

He had survived the game, and was no longer closed of to the world. Neku opened himself up again, becoming more carefree than he ever had in two years. Those three weeks might have been a nightmare for him, but it had returned him to those summer days again, days before he shut himself in with HIS death.

_In this midsummer dream maybe see  
The younger me that I was playing before you flew free_

_Back in the days where I had hid in the haze  
But slowly running ablaze and burning red in my brain_

When Neku met up with the others at the Hachiko Statue, he would still reminisce a little of the past he and his best friend shared.

_18 years, a boy no longer  
To wait for her to fall from somewhere  
Remembering the figures blurring in the  
Summer in a heart beat_

_Fight the sun in desert school grounds_  
_A smile from ear to ear, it resounds_  
_"Why don't we play a game?"_  
_Another round as you go 'round_

She had been an annoyance, Shiki that is. She had constantly nagged to him about trusting others. That and her stalker tendencies. And she constantly worried for him, even though she was an outsider in his life prior to the Game. Never realising that she need not butt in on someone else's problems.

_"You okay?" with a worried kind of wail  
Things like you wouldn't ever get me  
"You act so sad, but it's all just an act in the end"  
Today's a haze, better become apathetic  
Keep up the pace I had yesterday 'cuz  
I don't want your heat to ever leave like in my sleep_

If Neku didn't have his memories taken away as his entry fee, he probably would have acted like that to her. And he would have dreamed of the past, where HE was still alive.

_If I can't dream, you and me... that I'll see...and we will be so...  
Rather hold the past than to let go  
Never wake or I'll break from the shaking_

Oh, he knew everything would have turned out badly if Mr Hanekoma didn't show up that day, Week 1, Day 2. If he kept his memories and Shiki had butt in on it and told him that HE was keeping Neku from looking to the future, Neku knew that he would have ended up killing her with the way he acted before hand.

_Outside world that tried to reject me  
"But you can't see the day break again without tomorrow"  
As if I would care in slightest_

_Running by all these arid days that I'd kill just so they'd go away_  
_Yes, I'd rather be all alone!_

In another world, Neku truly ended up killing Shiki. In complete shock from actually Erasing Shiki's existence with his own hands, his mind would have flashed to his best friend's shadowed form just before he died. He would have backed away from where Shiki had disappeared, and hide himself from the accusing eyes of other Players that seemed to follow him. He would have wished for freedom from the hell that was his existence, and he knew there was only one path.

_18 years and kind no longer  
He cried to god but can't get stronger  
Reaching out both his hands to hold to  
Such a pretty smile he can't take_

_Fighting suns in such a small town_  
_"Oh god why can't you free me somehow?!"_  
_Suddenly every sigh I tried to breathe was stopping now_

A player would only last seven minutes on his own, should the Noise not get to him first. This Neku would have made a choice within those seven minutes, and the choice he took?

Suicide.

In the world where Neku's memories were his entry fee. Neku was faced with a choice again. Kill one of the few people who truly understood him and prove him right, that humans couldn't change. Or let Joshua kill him, losing the final game, but proving that Neku cared for Joshua as a friend, even through the betrayal he was put through. With tears in his eyes, he lowered his gun.

_No can't go back  
(That summer day)  
It hurts so bad  
(Don't ever touch)  
Or it might break_

The Neku of both worlds chose to die, albeit at different points of the Game. One out of regret, another for the sake of proving a friend wrong.

And both fell to the ground.

As both had their eyes closed, something had called out to them. A familiar voice, something that was out of their summer memories.

And as the voice began to fade away, both woke and found themselves in the classroom of their past, facing a long dead friend.

_A voice is calling out "Can you hear me?" disappearing  
Somehow now clear, aah so that's the reason  
Midsummer night dreams as I reach out a hand through the haze_

Immediately, the two of them would head for their respective version of their best friend.

_Cry to god, a boy, no stronger  
And in those days he stood, no falter  
A summer smile I won't remember  
No, it stays the same forever_

Both would wait for the hazy figure of their best friend to speak. And when HE did, the Neku who died out of regret begged for HIM not to say goodbye again.

_"Guess I died. And I'm so sorry"  
Goodbye's too sad and way too lonely  
Oh god, no, don't you say that you're leaving  
Oh no don't leave me!_

The Neku who lost his memories in the beginning of the game would have just stood there and smiled, knowing that the question 'Was it the real you that I knew?' went both ways. He just walked up to his best friend and said:

_I finally know those hazy figures  
Were just looking for this "me"_

With that his best friend looked so surprised, but it was enough as the Neku who had his memories taken had finally given his apology and given him a proper goodbye. With a smile, the classroom shattered with the final goodbye, ending the dream that would bring him to the Scramble Crossing.

And if Neku ever recalled that dream, he would remember catching a glimpse of the ash blond hair and violet eyes of his best friend.

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**Why the heck did I write this?**

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***Sigh* Reasons why I wrote this:**

**1) Listened to the Kagerou Project songs and watched all the music videos.**

**2) Read the Kagerou Days manga**

**3) Listened to and watched Lost Time Memory 10 times**

**4) Past and present of Shintaro and Neku quite similar**

**All of this=New fic!**

**Suddenly got addicted to the Kagerou Project while I was looking for Vocaloid songs to listen to. Its a great series with an amazingly good storyline if you know what to look for. The PV for Lost Time Memory was what really inspired me to write this up, suddenly wondering what would happen if Shiki had died on Day 2 and if Neku had his memories at that time. Neku was pretty much stuck in that sea of memories until Joshua came up, killed him, took away his memories and then tossed him into the game with no warning. With no memories to rely on, he would really have to rely on Shiki. If he had his memories, he would really gotten more annoyed at Shiki's stalker wa...**

**Shiki: NOT A STALKER!**

**Kiri: GAK! ITS NEKU'S WORDS NOT MINE! DON'T TAKE IT OUT ON ME!**

**Okay a little explanation on the lyrics:**

**1) Neku is still 16. Lyrics doesn't really change that.**

**2) There's one bit at the beginning that might be a little off. That part was from the original translation while the rest of the song was from JubyPhonic's english cover (Her covers are good... Real good...)**

**Hope you enjoyed the fic overall! A review is really appreciated! ^v^**

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**Any guesses as to who was it Neku was best friends with in the past? (Kinda obvious though...)**


End file.
